Nerves
by ZHlln
Summary: Jace's thoughts and feelings before he goes to take Clary to the greenhouse in City of Bones.


Hello! I've decided that I need to write some more Jace POV, Mortal Instruments Fanfiction because I enjoy writing, people appear to enjoy reading it and, well, Jace is incredibly hot. ;)

You could consider this a spare chapter of Destroyer, if you wish. (If you want me to insert this into Destroyer instead as a one-shot, then please say.)

This was inspired by a lovely review by warming sunshine. For you, my dear.

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Nerves

I took several deep breaths. This was ridiculous; why was I so nervous? Compared to other things I'd done, this was so innocent it was almost boring. So why was I getting worked up?

_She is a lovely girl isn't she, Jace?_ My father's voice whispered hauntingly, almost condescendingly inside my own head._ She so different from all the others you met before…_

I groaned and leaned my head back against the cool tiles of the shower. They were an odd contrast to the heat of the water beating down from the shower head. Fire and ice.

She _was_ different; I tried to think why that mattered so much. Maybe it was because she wasn't throwing herself at me, as I was used to, maybe I just like the thrill of the chase. But it felt more complicated than that. She was so _strange. _But in a good way. She was an enigma. She made me curious. She seemed so vulnerable and yet so bold at the same time. Like two repelling magnets had somehow, inconceivably managed to be forced together and where actually staying together, with no trouble at all.

She was beautiful too, there was no denying that. I closed my eyes and allowed myself to visualise her face. I saw her grin, the flash of her teeth as her lips stretched widely across her face. Her hair, as bright and vivid as red hot fire, framed her small face. A burning angel.

I could feel, in a small part of my brain, my preconceived memory of my father. I could feel the disapproval radiating off of him. _What did I tell you, Jace? _It wasn't even his father's voice anymore, I couldn't remember it clearly. It was just an inner version of my voice, saying my father's words. I stopped him before he could say the sentence I knew was coming. _It's not love! _I snarled at him viciously; I imagined the smile on his face after I said those words – a maddening smirk that would let me know that he had completely manipulated me, indoctrinated me as a child, so much so that even now, after he'd been dead for so long, I still heard his voice in my head and still abided by his every philosophy.

With I sigh I switched the water off and stepped out the shower. I grabbed a fluffy white towel and quickly rubbed over myself. I grabbed some clean clothes and hastily threw them on, nerves still jangling my system.

And yet I felt excited. Maybe I would get to know her better. Maybe this would be the turning point in our so far nonexistent relationship. Maybe she would forget about Simon, and choose _me_. I felt shocked. _Choose me? Relationship? _What the hell was wrong with me? My father seemed to have disappeared for now, like he had nothing else to say to me. Like he was sulking. I felt like smiling at the thought of my Father sulking. I wrenched open the bathroom door and walked quickly through my bedroom out into the hallway.

I glanced around uneasily, earlier Alec and Isabelle, even Hodge, had been desperate to talk to me; probably to give me a good piece of their minds. I'd rather avoid that tonight. I went to the kitchen, managing to stay undetected. I made two cheese sandwiches, quickly, straining my ears for approaching footsteps. None of them where as light on their feet as I was. I grabbed some other supplies – some apples, water and a bar of chocolate. I dumped them in a brown paper bag and started to make my way to Clary's room.

I heard voices around the corner, Alec and Isabelle's. _Crap. _I quickly ducked into an empty room; they wouldn't have any reason to come in here. I listened as they went past.

"Where the hell is he?" Isabelle spat furiously "How dare he dump us like that! We could've helped!"

"And that _Clary _could've gotten him killed. And I wasn't there to protect him." Alec snarled. Fury blazed within me, I hated the way he had said Clary's name; like she was something squished on the bottom of his shoe. I felt like punching him in the face, more than I ever had before.

"Jace doesn't need protecting Alec. Stop acting like you have to save him all the time. It drives me insane." Thank you Isabelle, I nodded in approval.

"He does need my protection" Alec said seething "Even if he only needs to protect him from himself…" Their voices faded away and I quickly ran the rest of the way to Clary's room. I knew why Alec wanted to protect me. He thought he was in love with me. He wasn't. I didn't mind him being gay, that was his decision. But I knew he wasn't in love with me. Not at all. He thought he did because he had known me for so long, he was comfortable around me the way he wasn't with other people and he thought that represented love. I knew better though.

Before I knew it I was in front of the solid oak door of Clary's bedroom. I sucked in a breath, steeling myself. I exhaled slowly. Then I quietly knocked on the door. I waited, maybe she was asleep. Should I go in and check if she was OK? Just then the door started tom open, it squeaked as its old, rusty hinges came into work. Clary peered round the door.

Well, here goes nothing.

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Please, please, Please review. I'm begging! Puppy dog eyes


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